So...I went out with a guy I've known since I was 18, to the movies to see Cadillac Records and had dinner at Denny's...which was pretty fun and nice. I haven't seen him in three years and we always kept in touch, so I'm single again...why not go out with him?
He looked the same and so did I (nose ring is the only new thing with me). The movie was great and dinner was tasty. This was a good time for us to catch up and see what each person was up to, especially since I'm back in my homestate now.
Ladies, it's perfectly fine to go on dates with guys you keep in touch with over time. When nothing serious happens between you and the other person, and you keep the communication lines open, it's fine to go on a date every once in a while. Going out with this guy was nice for me because I haven't seen him in so long and he called me out of the blue...which surprised me.
At dinner, we talked about God, family, relationships and jobs...of course when you talk about relationships you don't wanna delve too much. I actually teared up when I told him about my last relationship and what my mom told me:
"You always seem to attract guys that are lacking something, thinking you can fill that. You need someone who loves you more than you love them. Someone who is mentally stable like you."
He actually understood me and told me some things that made a lot of sense. The things we both did, good and bad, and the choices we make in the people we date. He's a saved man, wants to go to Theology school, and he's a middle school teacher. I don't really see myself dating him, but I know we'll have a good friendship...
However, how can you honestly and nicely tell a guy that you're not interested? Say they're intelligent alright, but you're not interested. It's hard. Either way it goes, I'm glad we caught up and I'm sure God will send us the people that will complete us.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
choices.
In dating, there are many choices young black women make in the quest for fulfillment. Sometimes, we are willing to settle for less than we are worth...yes, you know what those things are:
The rude boy, bad boy
Emotionally unavailable
Afraid to commit
Suffering from low self esteem and we think we can counsel them out of it
Great sex but lack of responsibilities (work, school, morals, etc.)
Baby mama drama
The list goes on depending what we encounter. I for one have dealt with a few things on that list since high school, when I was only interested in tall light skinned dudes with nice bodies and curly hair. The choices I make in dating can be pretty good then I tend to make excuses for things men lack.
For instance, when I get to know someone who has the same things as I like a college education and higher, good job, car, pays bills, etc., there are a few things that I ignore and push to the side thinking they will go away. Those things only tend to come back and bite me.
Take for example my last two relationships that started too quickly and ended too soon before they could really take off. The first, when I was a senior at Spelman, was with someone I really got to know and be comfortable with. The catch: He lived with his ex he knew for three years...he claimed they slept in separate areas IN A ONE BEDROOM APARTMENT. We only dated for three weeks before he dumped me on his birthday because he was still in love with her.
The second relationship that lasted a month also started too quickly and was with someone I was already friends with but never really spoke to on a regular basis. You know, those people that you check on every now and then. Well, after three solid weeks of communication and seeing him while I was at homecoming, we started a relationship. One month later, after he visited me for four days and we seemed to get closer, this personal issue of his has been lingering on for months and he wasn't ready for a relationship...better yet, unfinished business. I respect him for that, but damn! The relationship was pretty good at the start.
Both these guys have that thing in common, circumstances that are in the way of them committing to other people who are SO much better for them than the girls in the past who have hurt them. I guess the fact that I console and spiritually nurture them is kind of a distraction from the real problem. I dunno.
Whatever choices I make from now on will be made with those two experiences in mind. I can't keep choosing guys who are distracted by problems thinking I can help them out of the rut. It's been done before, but I need to choose someone who has all their eggs in one basket and knows what they want.
*sigh* I could write a book, but that's what this project is for. Make these mistakes and learn. Most importantly, we sisters HAVE to wait on who God is preparing for us AND preparing us for. It's so hard for me, but I'm confident that this person will love me more than I love them AND come with so much more than I offer.
Ah yes, choices.
The rude boy, bad boy
Emotionally unavailable
Afraid to commit
Suffering from low self esteem and we think we can counsel them out of it
Great sex but lack of responsibilities (work, school, morals, etc.)
Baby mama drama
The list goes on depending what we encounter. I for one have dealt with a few things on that list since high school, when I was only interested in tall light skinned dudes with nice bodies and curly hair. The choices I make in dating can be pretty good then I tend to make excuses for things men lack.
For instance, when I get to know someone who has the same things as I like a college education and higher, good job, car, pays bills, etc., there are a few things that I ignore and push to the side thinking they will go away. Those things only tend to come back and bite me.
Take for example my last two relationships that started too quickly and ended too soon before they could really take off. The first, when I was a senior at Spelman, was with someone I really got to know and be comfortable with. The catch: He lived with his ex he knew for three years...he claimed they slept in separate areas IN A ONE BEDROOM APARTMENT. We only dated for three weeks before he dumped me on his birthday because he was still in love with her.
The second relationship that lasted a month also started too quickly and was with someone I was already friends with but never really spoke to on a regular basis. You know, those people that you check on every now and then. Well, after three solid weeks of communication and seeing him while I was at homecoming, we started a relationship. One month later, after he visited me for four days and we seemed to get closer, this personal issue of his has been lingering on for months and he wasn't ready for a relationship...better yet, unfinished business. I respect him for that, but damn! The relationship was pretty good at the start.
Both these guys have that thing in common, circumstances that are in the way of them committing to other people who are SO much better for them than the girls in the past who have hurt them. I guess the fact that I console and spiritually nurture them is kind of a distraction from the real problem. I dunno.
Whatever choices I make from now on will be made with those two experiences in mind. I can't keep choosing guys who are distracted by problems thinking I can help them out of the rut. It's been done before, but I need to choose someone who has all their eggs in one basket and knows what they want.
*sigh* I could write a book, but that's what this project is for. Make these mistakes and learn. Most importantly, we sisters HAVE to wait on who God is preparing for us AND preparing us for. It's so hard for me, but I'm confident that this person will love me more than I love them AND come with so much more than I offer.
Ah yes, choices.
Friday, December 19, 2008
old and stale?
Last night i went out on a date... just for the hell of it. i think i just wanted to try something new. As a single, black, young female, the prospects are pretty bleak within our age group in the dating pool...
so i rest my case, i was interested to see how 'something different' would be...hence why i went on this 'date'.
Jack was 26 years my senior. He took me out for sushi. I knew he was older than me but not THAT old. He had amazing skin- not a wrinkle in sight, it was only the balding and sporadic grey hair that kinda gave him away. While i maintained a calm exterior (my swagger goes hard...lol), he seemed a bit excited and eager to impress. He rambled about his successful career as an attorney and judge, about his house and an upcoming appointment with his personal masseuse. *yawn*... i guess he really thought this was doing something for me. fail.
My eyes drifted to a flat screen not too far away- there was a basketball game, UNC versus somebody i don't remember. Upon seeing the lack of interest he told a couple jokes, but i didn't get them and then an awkward silence filled the air. He asked me about Spelman, which was good because i definitely perked up at the opportunity to speak about my Alma mater (which i love dearly). Somehow he started talking about his law school experience, then his 10 & 12 year old children. WOW....he has kids too? AND they're closer in age to me than he is....
This man seriously thought he had a chance, yes he flooded me with compliments about how amazing gorgeous and exotic i was (exotic? really?)- but those compliments only go so far. I guess he thought he had somewhat bridged the 'generation gap' when he said that his favorite artists were TI, Lil Wayne and T Pain (shut up....you know you lying).
What would make this man really think that something could seriously come from this . He wasn't bad looking but he was as old as my dad....wtf?!?
This went on for about 45 mins, after which we both left the restaurant and went our separate ways. He mumbled something about seeing me later on that week (which i pretended not to hear).
As i drove home i wondered....what really drives older men to date younger women. i know there may be an obvious answer but damn... it just doesn't seem all that right. And how can these younger women really get past age THAT much. My mind drifted to Hugh Hefner and his young girlfriends... sitting through dinner was so hard for me, i could only imagine (or maybe not) what 'old sex' was like....with old balls...UGH. I think i just threw up in my mouth a little.
At least i came out finding out about a fabulous sushi spot, and a story to tell. If you know me, i ALWAYS have a story to tell....
so i rest my case, i was interested to see how 'something different' would be...hence why i went on this 'date'.
Jack was 26 years my senior. He took me out for sushi. I knew he was older than me but not THAT old. He had amazing skin- not a wrinkle in sight, it was only the balding and sporadic grey hair that kinda gave him away. While i maintained a calm exterior (my swagger goes hard...lol), he seemed a bit excited and eager to impress. He rambled about his successful career as an attorney and judge, about his house and an upcoming appointment with his personal masseuse. *yawn*... i guess he really thought this was doing something for me. fail.
My eyes drifted to a flat screen not too far away- there was a basketball game, UNC versus somebody i don't remember. Upon seeing the lack of interest he told a couple jokes, but i didn't get them and then an awkward silence filled the air. He asked me about Spelman, which was good because i definitely perked up at the opportunity to speak about my Alma mater (which i love dearly). Somehow he started talking about his law school experience, then his 10 & 12 year old children. WOW....he has kids too? AND they're closer in age to me than he is....
This man seriously thought he had a chance, yes he flooded me with compliments about how amazing gorgeous and exotic i was (exotic? really?)- but those compliments only go so far. I guess he thought he had somewhat bridged the 'generation gap' when he said that his favorite artists were TI, Lil Wayne and T Pain (shut up....you know you lying).
What would make this man really think that something could seriously come from this . He wasn't bad looking but he was as old as my dad....wtf?!?
This went on for about 45 mins, after which we both left the restaurant and went our separate ways. He mumbled something about seeing me later on that week (which i pretended not to hear).
As i drove home i wondered....what really drives older men to date younger women. i know there may be an obvious answer but damn... it just doesn't seem all that right. And how can these younger women really get past age THAT much. My mind drifted to Hugh Hefner and his young girlfriends... sitting through dinner was so hard for me, i could only imagine (or maybe not) what 'old sex' was like....with old balls...UGH. I think i just threw up in my mouth a little.
At least i came out finding out about a fabulous sushi spot, and a story to tell. If you know me, i ALWAYS have a story to tell....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)