choices.

In dating, there are many choices young black women make in the quest for fulfillment. Sometimes, we are willing to settle for less than we are worth...yes, you know what those things are:

The rude boy, bad boy
Emotionally unavailable
Afraid to commit
Suffering from low self esteem and we think we can counsel them out of it
Great sex but lack of responsibilities (work, school, morals, etc.)
Baby mama drama

The list goes on depending what we encounter. I for one have dealt with a few things on that list since high school, when I was only interested in tall light skinned dudes with nice bodies and curly hair. The choices I make in dating can be pretty good then I tend to make excuses for things men lack.

For instance, when I get to know someone who has the same things as I like a college education and higher, good job, car, pays bills, etc., there are a few things that I ignore and push to the side thinking they will go away. Those things only tend to come back and bite me.

Take for example my last two relationships that started too quickly and ended too soon before they could really take off. The first, when I was a senior at Spelman, was with someone I really got to know and be comfortable with. The catch: He lived with his ex he knew for three years...he claimed they slept in separate areas IN A ONE BEDROOM APARTMENT. We only dated for three weeks before he dumped me on his birthday because he was still in love with her.

The second relationship that lasted a month also started too quickly and was with someone I was already friends with but never really spoke to on a regular basis. You know, those people that you check on every now and then. Well, after three solid weeks of communication and seeing him while I was at homecoming, we started a relationship. One month later, after he visited me for four days and we seemed to get closer, this personal issue of his has been lingering on for months and he wasn't ready for a relationship...better yet, unfinished business. I respect him for that, but damn! The relationship was pretty good at the start.

Both these guys have that thing in common, circumstances that are in the way of them committing to other people who are SO much better for them than the girls in the past who have hurt them. I guess the fact that I console and spiritually nurture them is kind of a distraction from the real problem. I dunno.

Whatever choices I make from now on will be made with those two experiences in mind. I can't keep choosing guys who are distracted by problems thinking I can help them out of the rut. It's been done before, but I need to choose someone who has all their eggs in one basket and knows what they want.

*sigh* I could write a book, but that's what this project is for. Make these mistakes and learn. Most importantly, we sisters HAVE to wait on who God is preparing for us AND preparing us for. It's so hard for me, but I'm confident that this person will love me more than I love them AND come with so much more than I offer.

Ah yes, choices.